The best book ever, I’ve read is the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Why? – because it has given me a key to a better life and to make sure that my next relationship hopefully will be my last one.The book is about how to communicate with other people. And yes it says love languages, but it works in all areas. It divides our communication into 5 different groups:
- Word of affirmation
- Physical touch
- Act of service
- Spending time together
- Receiving gifts
We all have 2 languages that are our prefered. When I took the test I actually ended up with 3 almost equal.
To find your love languages you can take a test here (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/) In my world love isn’t just in a relationship. All communication (verbal and non-verbal) is about love – love between friends – love to a stranger – the love to care for others – love to your children – love to the family etc.
Avoid misunderstandings and lack of communication
Many times when a relationship breaks down it’s because of lack of communication or misunderstandings. That goes for me too.
The classical picture is a wife that loves gifts and act of service and a husband that loves affirmation and spending time together. She’ll probably criticise the husband for lack of gifts and not helping her out. When he arranges evening tours to the beach to se the sunset and praising her food and her looks. In this combination the woman most likely will criticise the man when he at last helps her out – It’s not good enough because it has to be 100% her way. You can be sure of one thing – He’ll never help her again if he can avoid it. And she’ll feel so unloved because she missed the gifts and him helping her.
This is a typical story from my parents generation and I can see it going on in several relationships in my age group too.
Another typical thing is that people expect others to be mind readers and therefore don’t have to communicate. This will go down the drain unless both are very good at reading the other person or they have the same love languages.
Now there is a tool to find ways to a better communication with others and this is why I love this book. I have a tool to see what friends and people love languages are, so I can get better at meeting them where they are.
The integration of the 5 love languages
I’ve in many ways integrated the 5 love languages in my life but I’m so terrible at acknowledging/affirmate others. The Scandinavian back-ground is so hard to shake of combined with being used to being criticised and not the opposite 😉 But at least people who knows me well know that when I acknowledge I really mean it. But since many reacts positive on compliments and acknowledgement I try to give 2-3 compliments a day. Unfortunately people with that love language is not good at getting criticised, and I’ve a tendency to say what is on my mind (normally in a not to blond way) so there I’ve something to work with.
When I meet people who does extraordinary things for me or treat me really good and I feel like saying thank you, I see things in another perspective now. Not that I’m perfect – not at all but I get better and better. – Example: In Australia I came in contact with a guy that changed my life big time. Not on purpose but just by taking me out on the ocean. Beside that he did some extra ordinary things for me like taking pictures when I was on the board etc. When I left I felt like doing something extra ordinary to let him know that what he had done was priceless to me. I got as usual awkward – what to do. Then I found a gift that fitted very well to his interest in life. I knew that the possibility that his love language was gifts was very little, but I knew I would do something right in covering the interest he has. I actually got a much better reaction than what I hoped for, so I apparently did something right or he as the smart guy he is recognized my motive.
A new relationship
The thing I’ll look really forward to is when I find a decent guy to date and hopefully get into a relationship with. It’ll be so amazing to use this knowledge to lift the relationship to a higher level. Hopefully the guy is also interested in using the 5 love languages so we are on the same level and can work together and talk about it.